Building Better Relationships

Timothy hated moving from his birth city of Dallas, TX, to Oxford, MS. His mother tried to provide comfort and encouragement as she told her son about the possibility of creating new friends in a different community and at a new school. The first day of school didn’t begin well for Timothy. His mother’s car wouldn’t start. Therefore, he had to ride to school with the next-door neighbor’s children who attended a different school en route to his school. When Timothy walked into class, his teacher scolded him for his tardiness. He tried to explain that it wasn’t his fault and that his mother had car trouble. However, Mr. Walker wasn’t entertaining any excuses for Timothy’s tardiness and directed him to the back of the class. Because he arrived late, the only available desk placed Timothy right in front of the class bully.

Before Timothy could get comfortable at his desk and arrange his books, Carson took out a straw and wadded up some small paper balls. He took one ball, placed it in the straw, and shot it at the student sitting beside Timothy. When Timothy saw the paper ball hit Anthony, in his mind, he said, “I hope this guy doesn’t hit me with a paper ball.” No sooner than Timothy could complete his thought, Carson had reloaded and fired a paper ball into the back of his right ear. When several of the young men saw what happened to their new classmate, they started laughing loudly. Without considering the consequences, Timothy exploded quickly from his desk and flew into Carson swinging violently with his fist, hoping to inflict as much pain as possible on the class bully.

As students watched the two young men brawling in the back of the classroom, Mr. Walker moved in to stop the fight. Since he stood 6’ 8’’ and weighed almost 300 pounds, separating the two young men posed no problem for Mr. Walker. After he divided the two young men, Mr. Walker directed them to his office. Mr. Walker said, “I could send both of you to the principal’s office, but I’m going to handle you myself. Carson, apologize to Timothy for shooting him with the paper ball. Timothy, acknowledge Carson’s apology.”  Carson hesitated, but he eventually complied with Mr. Walker’s directives. Once Carson apologized, Timothy accepted his apology. Mr. Walker said, “Now, I want both of you to shake hands, and sit here until I come back.” He added, “When I return, you need to tell me three things that you learned about the other person.” When Mr. Walker left his office, Carson asked, “Man, where are you from anyway?” Timothy said, “I’m Timothy Huggins, and I hail from Dallas, TX.” Carson said, “We lived in Dallas, TX, before we moved to this crummy place. I hate this school.” When Mr. Walker returned to his office, he found Carson and Timothy laughing and talking about people they both knew back in Dallas, TX. Carson and Timothy never fought again, they became best friends, and Timothy was the best man at Carson’s wedding. The two men overcame their initial conflict and developed a lifelong relationship.  

At some point in life, everyone will face conflicts that can either become serious obstacles or steppingstones to building better relationships. The goal of every person, young and old, should be to build better relationships. During the 2021 Fall Semester for Huntsville Bible College (HBC), I will teach CE 211 Christian Education of Youth. The course textbook is Purpose Driven Youth Ministry: 9 Essential Foundations For Healthy Growth (Doug Fields), a definitive resource for Youth and Children Ministry leaders and workers. In the chapter on identifying and sharing values, Fields writes:

We value relationships in our ministry at Saddleback Church. We want students to have a vital relationship with God through Jesus Christ. We want leaders to have solid relationships with one another, with students, and with students’ parents. We want students to have accountable relationships with other students and with their own parents; and we want the church body to have a good relationship with the youth ministry. Relationships are the backbone of all our values.

Using the word relationship, Fields offers the following acronym with biblical undergirding to express the values associated with building better relationships:

R elational approach (2 Thess. 2:8)
E ncouragement (1 Thess. 5:11)
L aughter and celebration (John 10:10)
A cceptance (James 2:1)
T ransparency (1 Cor. 2:3-4)
I nvolvement of students (1 Cor. 12:14)
O utreach orientation (Matt. 28:19)
N umerical growth (Acts 9:31)
H ome-like feeling (Heb. 6:1)
I ntimacy (James 5:16)
P rofessionalism (Prov. 22:1)
S trategic follow-up (Prov. 27:23)

Before we can build better relationships, we must value building better relationships. God has provided the Christian church with an excellent paradigm for building better relationships. God’s Word is replete with relatable narratives, principles, directives, and helpful insights that can promote better relationships with the Lord, ourselves, family members, other believers, and neighbors.